Recently I have begun to participate in a college program offered through BYU-Idaho. It is called Pathway, which is a great description. It gives me and others like me the chance to ease back into the world of education after many years away.
One thing that has really been shouting in my head these past couple of weeks has been how I feel about other people. Because of the kind of work I do, sitting in a courtroom and writing down all kinds of things, some of which I wish I didn't have to hear, I am constantly being faced with the choice to judge the people I see or to see them as struggling just as I, but in different ways. In fact, someone in the weekly class we attend asked me the other night how I can separate myself from the bad things I hear and not be overcome with despair.
I'd like to answer that question. First, while I often say this as if it is a joke, it's really true: Sitting in that courtroom and seeing the things that others are doing or experiencing sure makes my family problems look so simple. I normally come home and just hug random family members because, despite our struggles, things could be so much more difficult.
Second, sometime ago I recognized that I needed to make it a life goal to view others as the children of the same Heavenly Father I worship and love. That is often my prayer, that I can see others through His lens. I mean, face it, that's hard to do when people do awful things and cause pain. As I have begun to study the first chapters of the Book of Mormon, which includes classic tales of families with all sorts of different personalities, I can see why it was intended for our use at this time. It makes me want to be a better person. I mean, talk about your "far worse problems than OUR family has"!
Finally, I want to say that I know the principles I am learning are from God. I know He wants me to refine myself and behave as His daughter should behave. Each step I take helps me see Him more clearly in the world around me. We live in such a troubled world these days, and being able to recognize God in the midst of all the suffering, knowing how He loves all of us and wants all of us to find joy makes me feel a greater desire to have compassion and empathy for others.
To conclude today's entry, I'd like to add that I love my family so much. Yes, I mean my husband, who has brought joy to my life these past 19 years. I also mean our two kids, who, despite their personal challenges, are great people with awesome potential. They make my heart glad. I love their individual personalities. They both teach me every day. That's right, I said they BOTH teach ME every day.
I love my older son, who just became engaged to a girl who makes him a better person. Seeing your child you thought would never know real happiness in life grow so much and find such a wonderful partner is one of the best things a parent can experience.
I have two daughters who are happily married and living lives far different from one another. I am happy to see their successes and sad to see their sorrows. I am grateful to have the opportunity to see the choices they are making in their lives. Being allowed in is a blessing most people do not even recognize because, for them, it just "is."
I love my other kids too, those who don't currently have a relationship with me, and I can respect that, thought it grieves my heart every day. I listen for news and pray for them every single day. They were dealt a tough hand in their early lives, and it makes me glad to see them overcome.
I am so grateful to be a daughter of Heavenly Father. I know He knows who I am. I know He knows the things of which I am capable, even as I struggle to recognize them in myself.
Isn't that the purpose of our being here?
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