Now that the other shoe has dropped, do I really like the pair?

Boy, it’s been a crazy couple of weeks! After receiving my job offer, we started stressing about how on earth we would manage to move so far away in such a relatively short time period.  Well, guess we don’t have THAT worry anymore!  Oh, wait, yes, we DO have that worry.  We have to get out of our house possibly by January 14^th. 

Yesterday in my email I received something that was clearly from the Montana State government.  I opened the email, which said nothing, but the attachment was titled “sorryltr.doc.”  So I knew what it was when I opened the attachment.  It was a fairly terse letter stating that I had not been selected for MY job.  Not even a personal letter or phone call.  I can’t even tell anyone what that did to me.  It was…yeah, I can’t even think of the words.  Darryl was across the room at his desk, just finishing a telephone call, and he came over and just held me.  I was too shocked to cry.  I wanted to, though.

Everyone has shared feelings of shock and dismay and “that’s not fair” with us.  This was totally unexpected.  And despite the actual facts of the matter, I keep feeling like it was a personal rejection.   

But I wasn’t rejected.  I was selected as the ONLY person who was qualified for the job.  It appears that because the offer was made to me before any other applications were provided…well, THIS go around, anyway….that my offer was null and void.  Oh, yeah, I have that offer on my desk at home.

I was so eager to be a part of that court family.  I really liked the people, and I knew I would fit right in.  And my husband even went to the court and visited with two of the reporters and the judge who had made the offer.  They all like me.  They all like him.  My certifications put me at the front of the list of prospects.

I’m trying to regroup now, especially after all the ugly things bubbled to the surface.  The things that you only feel justified in saying after you have finally decided to divorce.  There’s a lot of unhappiness in our family regarding things in our day-to-day lives, and, well, now that we’re not caught up in the extreme high and then the extreme low of this experience, all those ugly things are impossible to ignore.

For those of you who take things literally, I’m not really talking about divorce or anything about our foursome at home.  In fact, this has been a refiner’s fire, and guess what?  We are good.  We *like* each other.  Darryl and I are amazing.  Our kids are amazing.  They are going to be amazing adults one day.  Speaking of Darryl, I cannot tell you (there I am again with no words) how much he means to me.  He is truly my rock.  That sounds so trite, but those of you who are as lucky as I know exactly what I mean.

And guess what?  As I was in the process of writing this blog post this afternoon, my cell phone rang.  It was one of the reporters who was most instrumental in getting me before the judge who originally interviewed me.  She said she learned I was not selected when she got my email this morning.  I had written to her and the other two reporters, thanking them for their warm welcome and expressing regret that I would not be joining their family.  She was mortified, and she said the judge who is going to be sworn in on January 7^th has turned out to be not such a nice guy, and now they’re worried for whoever takes the job that was taken from me.  She assured me that it was NOT me.  And there goes the lump in my chest.

Everyone else has been right:  He is in charge of the goings on in my life, and He has something better ahead.  We just have to keep looking.

"The very next day, you gave it away"

A friend suggested the other day that I blog about the experience I’m having regarding a great job for which I applied a few weeks ago.  First, I can’t believe it’s only been a few weeks! 

We have known for a long time that we need to change our circumstances so that we not only have a steady paycheck but health benefits for our family.  My hubby has been trying for some time to get a job that would bring those things to the table, but it has not happened yet.  In the meantime, I have applied for two court reporting officialships in my area (not wanting to move our kids), and I basically bombed both interviews.  It was so hard for my self-esteem to bomb not once but twice.  And then to have to socialize with the very people who interviewed me as well as those people who were chosen instead!  And then to have a rare (for me) mistake explode in my face has left me wary whenever I go to DC for a job.

I get regular updates from Indeed.com with court reporting and related job openings.  One day I saw one for a court in Montana, and it seemed to “speak” to me.  I like the idea of moving back west, close enough to family to be able to go see them (or vice versa) but not so close that we’re bugging each other.  I’ve been to Montana (this particular town, even), and while the snow can be daunting, this location actually has less snow than other parts of the state. 

I ended up being particularly busy for a few days, so I didn’t get a chance to apply for the job until one Saturday.  The job was listed in the JCR, as well.  And right next to it was a job opening in a much smaller location in Montana.  When I clicked on the link for the state, the first job didn’t show up on the site, but this second job was there.  I decided to go ahead and apply for that one.  Darryl called the state and discovered that the job was closing the Monday before Thanksgiving, then the applications would be pored over by HR before the approved ones were forwarded to the judge.  I was surprised to receive a call the day before Thanksgiving.  It was one of the judge’s clerks, requesting a telephone interview time the following Monday.  

I contacted the president of the Montana Court Reporters Association, telling her about my hopes and plans.  There was a great description on their website about living in Helena, enticing people to apply for the job opening.  I was interested to find out whether anyone knew if the job had been filled.

I was just crazy excited/anxious about my telephone call.  I couldn’t help but talk about it.  My Sunday School kids even had to hear about it.  Monday finally came, and I had the phone call.  The judge himself conducted the interview, and it went well, although I was feeling very anxious about some of the details of the job.  There would be some driving involved every week, and I know that part of Montana gets plenty of snow.  I really liked the judge, though.

So we fretted and wondered.  Money isn’t great, lots of variables.  Tuesday night I was home alone because Darryl had taken the kids to Mutual. I did some surfing and found myself on the Indeed.com site. I scrolled about three pages in and was surprised to see the first job was again showing up.  I clicked on the link, assuming it would lead to a dead end.  I was surprised to be sent directly to the state site and to see the job was still there, not to mention it had a job number.  I attached my application and sent it in.  Within two or three minutes, I had an email that was referencing that job, and I assumed it was an auto reply.  Turns out it was from a reporter who works with that same court.  She had been contacted by the MCRA president, who told her that I was interested. She was writing to tell me that the job was still open if I was still interested in applying.

I sent the reporter my résumé, which she walked down to the judge who is retiring.  The next day I heard from the secretary for the judge, asking me to interview with them.  I agreed and interviewed after my job that day.  That two-hour time difference works out well.  The interview was amazing.  I made such a connection with the judge and the senior court reporter who conducted the interview.  I was elated because I knew I had not bombed this one.  The real me was back.  Darryl and I and the kids went to dinner, and I missed a call from the senior court reporter.  She called me first thing Thursday morning to tell me they wanted to offer me the position.  I accepted, and she said they would be sending me an official offer letter in the mail.

Over the weekend we told everyone.  I turned down the second job, for which I was then being asked for references. I contacted the depo firms for whom I work and broke the news, basically giving notice that I’d be done working by Christmas.  We started selling belongings that aren’t worth moving.  My aunt offered frequent flyer miles so Darryl could fly out to Montana to do some house hunting.  I had literally just finished talking with her on Monday, finalizing the purchase of those tickets, when my phone rang.  It was an administrator from the courts, calling to tell me that the judge who hired me didn’t have authorization do so and that the interview process was not conducted properly.  She was sure sorry about the inconvenience (if that’s what you call it), but they had to go through the interview process again.

This came from absolutely nowhere.  I was stunned.  The rest of the day was a total waste. Blessedly, I have been working over the past few years to come to terms with the ups and downs of life and seeking the guidance and understanding my Father in Heaven can give me. And my husband has been amazing.  With his help and the help of some good friends, I’ve been processing this turn of events.  I was finally given a call on Wednesday to reset the interview for Friday afternoon.

In the meantime, I was scheduled to work every day that week.  And every single day canceled except for Thursday’s mock depos (which were fun). So I was more than ready and available for the job interview on Friday.

The telephone interview went well enough, but since it was conducted by the same court administrator who had called me, with the judge and court reporter who had been involved in the first interview and the new judge (my, hopefully, new boss), it was a little weird.  I was asked six “canned” questions, for which I had what I thought were good answers.  I felt I had done my best to sell who I am and what I am about, not just once but twice.  Now the rest is in the Lord’s hands.  Well, people will decide, but I can’t do anything more to influence them, so that means I’ll let the Lord worry about it for me.

Maybe I am so amazing that there was really no likelihood I would not be hired.  Maybe the court administrator found something objectionable about me that the others missed.  If I don’t get this job, I believe that there is SOMEthing out there for our family to do.  And there will be another way to rescue my sagging self-esteem. But it’s going to be a long however-many-days till they call back.  And then what?