Now that the other shoe has dropped, do I really like the pair?

Boy, it’s been a crazy couple of weeks! After receiving my job offer, we started stressing about how on earth we would manage to move so far away in such a relatively short time period.  Well, guess we don’t have THAT worry anymore!  Oh, wait, yes, we DO have that worry.  We have to get out of our house possibly by January 14^th. 

Yesterday in my email I received something that was clearly from the Montana State government.  I opened the email, which said nothing, but the attachment was titled “sorryltr.doc.”  So I knew what it was when I opened the attachment.  It was a fairly terse letter stating that I had not been selected for MY job.  Not even a personal letter or phone call.  I can’t even tell anyone what that did to me.  It was…yeah, I can’t even think of the words.  Darryl was across the room at his desk, just finishing a telephone call, and he came over and just held me.  I was too shocked to cry.  I wanted to, though.

Everyone has shared feelings of shock and dismay and “that’s not fair” with us.  This was totally unexpected.  And despite the actual facts of the matter, I keep feeling like it was a personal rejection.   

But I wasn’t rejected.  I was selected as the ONLY person who was qualified for the job.  It appears that because the offer was made to me before any other applications were provided…well, THIS go around, anyway….that my offer was null and void.  Oh, yeah, I have that offer on my desk at home.

I was so eager to be a part of that court family.  I really liked the people, and I knew I would fit right in.  And my husband even went to the court and visited with two of the reporters and the judge who had made the offer.  They all like me.  They all like him.  My certifications put me at the front of the list of prospects.

I’m trying to regroup now, especially after all the ugly things bubbled to the surface.  The things that you only feel justified in saying after you have finally decided to divorce.  There’s a lot of unhappiness in our family regarding things in our day-to-day lives, and, well, now that we’re not caught up in the extreme high and then the extreme low of this experience, all those ugly things are impossible to ignore.

For those of you who take things literally, I’m not really talking about divorce or anything about our foursome at home.  In fact, this has been a refiner’s fire, and guess what?  We are good.  We *like* each other.  Darryl and I are amazing.  Our kids are amazing.  They are going to be amazing adults one day.  Speaking of Darryl, I cannot tell you (there I am again with no words) how much he means to me.  He is truly my rock.  That sounds so trite, but those of you who are as lucky as I know exactly what I mean.

And guess what?  As I was in the process of writing this blog post this afternoon, my cell phone rang.  It was one of the reporters who was most instrumental in getting me before the judge who originally interviewed me.  She said she learned I was not selected when she got my email this morning.  I had written to her and the other two reporters, thanking them for their warm welcome and expressing regret that I would not be joining their family.  She was mortified, and she said the judge who is going to be sworn in on January 7^th has turned out to be not such a nice guy, and now they’re worried for whoever takes the job that was taken from me.  She assured me that it was NOT me.  And there goes the lump in my chest.

Everyone else has been right:  He is in charge of the goings on in my life, and He has something better ahead.  We just have to keep looking.