I just read my last blog entry and find it hard to believe how much can change in a relatively short period of time. Since then, not only did Aaron return to school, but he successfully graduated and is currently looking for work. He’s at home again, but things are peaceful, at least for now. We were able to keep our car hanging on until we had the money to replace it. Seriously, literally the day the car died, we were in the process of buying another one, so that drama is part of our past. And money, well, guess what? Our landlord declared bankruptcy, and we haven’t paid rent since January, which has made a huge difference. My work has also picked up, so we are feeling very blessed. Coincidence? I think not :D
Now I’m in Washington for my daughter’s wedding/sealing on Friday. Very expensive but very worthwhile venture. Oh, so many feelings. We have been anxiously preparing for this week so that we could participate. And here we are. Well, here *I* are…I mean am. Darryl will be here in a few days. He’s snatching the opportunity to spend time with his family in Utah before coming here to be swept up in the drama of my family. I’m so glad he’s getting the chance to do this. I know that his heart is with his parents, his kids, and grandbabies, and it is a balm to the soul to see them. Or so I hear. I haven’t had that balm yet, but one day I will. I mean, I am sure that I would be welcomed around Darryl’s grandbabies, but I haven’t yet had the chance to do so because I was sick for a few hours the only time any of them were around, so I hid in a bedroom to keep from sharing. And my grandbabies, well….
As 2011 drew to a close, my heart, ever drawing closer to my Heavenly Father, yearned to return to His temple to partake of the Spirit there. It seems ludicrous now to realize that while I was the most distraught, I didn’t seek that place and that amazing Spirit, but that’s how it worked out. And just as any precious prize, I feared that it would somehow be withheld. But that’s not how it happened. The compassion and love of my priesthood leaders were waiting for me to be ready, and ready I was. And am.
Friday was a bit of a nightmare, as I had expected, although I am pleased to say that I suffered it all with good grace. 19+ years as a court reporter has taught me that helpful skill. Most of the day was spent in a flying tin can, filled to capacity, hungry and tired. But when I landed in Pasco, Washington, I was soon reunited with my daughter who is getting married this coming Friday.
She’s not the same person I knew. I haven’t seen her in over a year and a half, and our parting was heart rending. Now she’s a young lady who has found love, who feels supported and loved by that love. Much has happened to each of us in the intervening months, and her sneaking up behind me in the airport and putting her arms around me soothed my heart more than she probably knows. I have finally come to understand…or maybe I’m still learning it and haven’t completely fathomed it…what it really means to be an Eternal Family.
I have a friend who has a large family of children, each of whom has followed the hoped-for path of going on to church-owned universities, missions, and temple marriage. I know more about her life to realize that, of course, her life is not perfect and contains many sad and/or fearful moments, but how I have envied her the path her children have chosen. Some of mine have chosen more scenic routes. Some have chosen the path I’d hoped but chose not to take me along. Some are still wandering.
But yesterday I truly glimpsed it, that Eternal Family thingy. I watched a daughter receive her own endowments, with my mother sitting on her other side, three generations of one family united for those few hours in a holy sacrament. I am sure that both my dad and my daughter’s dad were seated nearby watching and rejoicing in that experience with us.
When we initially entered the temple yesterday, I walked about five feet in, and I was suddenly overwhelmed by the Spirit, stronger than I have felt in a long time. I fully expected to see it, as well. And I realize that that’s what it’s supposed to be…and one day WILL be like. Holy and sacred bonds are formed within those walls, and Heavenly Father is most certainly not an absentee Father.
As I told my bishop the other day, as he interviewed me before I received my temple recommend, I don’t know that my entire family will ever be united again in THIS life, but I have faith that it will be at least in the next. I’m trying to teach those who will listen how important it is to love and forgive and forgive and forgive and love, especially those who hurt us or abuse us or annoy us. It is important to see these people with an Eternal perspective, to see them as the Heavenly beings they once were and one day will be again. Yes, even those for whom that picture is most obscured.
Every day I try to get better at something, be a little more patient, a little more kind, a little more empathetic, and I am beginning to feel a swelling in my soul that seems to make those efforts even easier and more desirable.
I know these things are true. I feel as though I have been given a very special gift to see things very clearly, and I am going to keep my eyes…and heart…open so I don’t miss a thing!
