July 5, 2016
Years
ago I read Gary Chapman’s Book "The 5 Love Languages” after someone did a
presentation in a Relief Society evening class. I was so intrigued by it that I
went out and bought the book. I learned that my main love language is acts of
service, following closely by quality time and then a little farther down was
physical touch. All these years I have assumed that my husband’s main love
language is physical touch. We hold hands all the time and enjoy being in
physical contact. Turns out that was probably mostly me after all. It ranks
about third on his list. In fact, his main love language is quality time.
Interesting. The day he took the test, we had been out going to garage sales
and basically hanging out, as we like to do. I remarked to him that we can make
grocery shopping a date. Guess it does have that kind of importance to him.
In
my college course this semester I designed a project with the love languages in
mind. I planned to make sure over the course of two weeks to “speak” to my
husband in his language at least three times. Because I was thinking his
language was physical touch, I decided to make sure to place my hand on his arm
or run my fingers through his hair whenever I thought of it. This is my normal
behavior, so it wasn’t much of a stretch for me. Unwittingly I also did things
that speak his actual love language.
Here’s
the kicker: The day after I turned in my
gathering report in which I declared my project for this unit, something
happened that made me furious. I didn't want to be near my husband, let alone
touch him. I even had a moment of fantasizing what it would be like to leave
him. After all, I have a full-time job. And then I remembered my project. Ugh.
I think I needed about 24 hours to shake myself and get my priorities and
feelings straight. I didn't change my behavior much from what I usually do, but
I was more conscious of what I was doing and looking to see my husband's
reactions, if any. Within a day or two I realized that my "mad" had
gone away far more quickly than I had expected. I seriously believed I would
still be mad at this time. Instead, I can see that I appreciate him even more
than I did before working on this project.
I
definitely notice the things he does around the house, not to mention his
phenomenal talent as a photographer and cook and lots of other things – I am
constantly telling him how awesome he is. He told me, "That's one of the
things I love about you." I talk to him all the time about my schoolwork,
so he knew about my project. It still surprises me to see him doing things that
I know were inspired by what we had talked about and the wishes I might have. I
told him that I really wish for diamonds, so we'll see where that goes --
hahaha!
Some
things I learned in my college class as we discussed this project:
- Learning to understand our family members helps us to strengthen our relationships in a way that truly speaks to them
- When we know our own love languages, we can recognize what others in our family might do in order to speak those languages and learn how to encourage that
- When faced with a situation or relationship that is tough, we can look at the person and ask, "What can I do for you?"
- When we put ourselves in a subordinate position; i.e., places our loved ones and their needs and desires before ours, we are learning to speak the language of the Savior (LOVE this!)
- This project relates to the Proclamation because "husband and wife are to love each other and their children," it is our "solemn responsibility." What better way to do so?
- Knowing others' languages helps us to get along
- "It's not all about me”
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