October is a loaded month in my world. I lost my first grandparent (my maternal grandfather) on the 1st; my mom’s birthday is the 3rd; my
brother’s is the 6th, today; my nephew’s is the 12th; my
daughter’s is the 24th;my stepdaughter’s is the 26th and
her daughter’s is the 25th…or is it the other way around? my brother
who died as an infant was born 50 years ago this coming October 28th;
and my aunt’s birthday is the 30th, which is also the anniversary of my baptism into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. All of this has led me to be contemplative,
which makes me want to write; hence, the name of his blog.
My heart is especially full after watching General
Conference today and yesterday as well as watching the Relief Society broadcast
last weekend. I am so spiritually fed
that I wonder whether there’s enough room to hold it, and yet, I know there is.
Let me count my blessings:
October 1 - I am grateful to have had four living grandparents into my adulthood. Three of them have now passed away, but even at my advanced age, I am blessed to be the proud granddaughter of an awesome living grandmother.
October 3 – I am so glad my mom is still alive and that she
could turn 73. She has survived a lot of
sorrow in her life: Losing her second child, her husband, and both of her
parents. She has also survived several
physical ailments, including breast cancer.
October 6 – I am glad for my brother who, in partnership
with his wife, keeps a safe home for our mom to live.
October 12 – I am glad for all my nieces and nephews, even
though I have rarely seen them in their lives.
October 24 – I am so glad for the beautiful young woman born
to me in 1993. She was not only
unexpected, but when I found out she was on her way, I was NOT happy. Not because I didn’t want her but because I
didn’t want her father anymore. But he’s
been out of my life for a long time, and I have been blessed with a loving
companion, whom I've cherished for nearly 17 years already.
October 25 & 26 – I am glad that my husband’s youngest
daughter (before our two kids were born) has welcomed me into her life as an
extra grandma to her adorable young daughter.
My heart aches at the loss of the grandmother-grandchild relationship
with my own biological grandchildren, so I am especially mindful of this choice
blessing from this particular stepdaughter as well as another whose birthday is in
March but who has also welcomed me into her family.
October 28-November 8 – I am glad that my little brother who
only lived for ten days was a choice spirit who was allowed to return to our
Father’s presence without having to traverse the difficult journey of mortal
existence. I am glad that my parents
were worthy to be chosen to be his parents and to love him during his mortal
life and be hungry for him enough to know the Truth when they heard it in 1976.
I am glad that since that time we have spoken of my brother as if he is still
our brother, because we all know that he is.
I am glad that our dad had his son waiting for him on the other side
when he passed away. I mentioned this at
my father’s funeral. I said, “This is
likely the first case of sibling rivalry through the veil, as our deceased
brother finally said, ‘You’ve had him long enough, it’s my turn now!’” I am glad to know that Daddy has the
opportunity to serve a mission on the other side of the veil with our brother
as his companion. I am glad for the
knowledge of the Eternal nature of our spirits and that our family will not
only be together again, but we will not bear the burdens of this life that keep
us from always enjoying one another’s companionship.
October 30 – I am glad to have known my aunt since she was a
teenager, being able to don a beautiful dress and curls in my hair to be her
flower girl. I am glad that she and her
kind husband provide a loving and safe home for my grandmother, who will be 93
this December. I am glad that my aunt
found her kind husband and that she is happy.
I have been fortunate to be in their home a couple of times, and even
thinking about it makes me tear up a bit.
Well, it’s been that kind of weekend, anyway, and I’ve been weeping so
much, it’s a good thing I didn’t take the time to put on makeup.
October 30 (part deux) – I am so grateful for the events in
my life that led to my baptism just after my 15th birthday. I was embraced into a family of several
million people, most of whom I would never meet (it’s up to 15 million now!) I
knew it was true when I allowed myself to hear it because I was being fed
preconceived notions that didn’t even make sense to me. It was that night that I met the wonderful
man who would later be my seminary teacher and one of the best I ever had (he
just died at 93). I am grateful that I
am married for Eternity to my partner and lover. I am grateful that I am aware of my heritage
as a Daughter of God. I am grateful that
He often lets me know He is aware of who I am and loves me anyway. I am grateful for the challenges He has given
me. I am grateful for the gifts He has
given me. May I ever be worthy of his
choicest blessings. And may I ever look at my trials as the blessings they can be.
So I turned 52 last month, my little brother is 49
today. I couldn't have imagined being in my 50s one day, and now I am not sure where my life will
take me next, though I am extremely happy with my job and this place
in my life at this moment. I hope to
have more of it all figured out before I become so old that I can’t remember
what it was that I felt I needed to know.
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