What do YOU do to help you cope with stress? Some people turn to addictions (drugs, alcohol, food, sex), some people turn to games (WoW, anyone?). Yesterday was one of the toughest days I’ve ever experienced. It was tough because so many things seemed to happen at once. You know, those times when you look up and say, “Seriously?” My hubby went downstairs and started writing e-mail. He told me that when he’s stressing, he needs to write. He’s such a good writer, so that can be a good thing, for sure. It only becomes a problem when what he’s writing is an e-mail, a not-so-nice e-mail, and he hits send. Luckily, this was not one of those times.

So what about me? I’ve always known that when I feel particularly stressed or upset, I need to get into the shower. I’ve done that for years. I may be cold or feel dirty, but it’s mostly whatever emotional need that is filled when I’m showering. Also, like most women, one of the things I end up doing, especially when I’m angry, is clean the house. If only that was a more effective tool: I could have a clean house 24/7! Alas, I’m on to that one, so it’s not so good anymore. Last night, though, I felt completely helpless. Where do you go and what do you do when there is nowhere to go and nothing that can be done?

I spent a little bit of time in our bedroom, after the shower, pondering and wondering if there was anything we could try (it’s the next day, and mostly nothing has been addressed). Before long, I realized that I was staring at the dresser next to my side of the bed, thinking of ways to write different words in steno. I was making up briefs! It brought me a small amount of comfort. THAT I could control. It was freeing, just for a few minutes, and that’s what I needed.

As for the stressors, here they are: First, Aaron texted me to say he had “had it” with his school. That was worrisome, and I tried to talk to him via text. Next thing I know, he’s telling me that they said he has to leave for a few days. Meanwhile, Darryl is also texting me to tell me the same thing. Later I learned that the school had had a conference call with Darryl and Aaron, Aaron’s counselor and teacher, and they described an incident that had occurred with another student. The decision was that the board needs to meet Thursday and decide what’s to be done with Aaron. In the meantime, he can’t be there.

Next, though, was the fact that we are down to our very last $18, and that’s if we “borrow” from Scott and Kristina’s practice jars (long story), we have very little gas in the car, and I have to drive to Northern Virginia for a job on Tuesday, and we don’t know how we can afford that. Compound that with the fact that a new, awful-looking “leak” has appeared on the driveway under our car. Something has gushed out, but we’re not certain what it is. When Darryl came to the train station to get me yesterday, the car was making a loud rattling noise when he would turn, and the car didn’t smell good. That meant, of course, that we had no way to go get Aaron. Later Aaron called to say someone was bringing him home.

We learned more from him and from the gentleman who brought him home about what was going on at school, and that’s going to require some phone calls and fact gathering on Monday. It’s one of those stories that really upset those who care about people who are handicapped and the care given to them by those who are supposedly put in place with specialized skills but fall short. Blessedly for me and for Aaron (especially for Aaron), while Darryl was trying to be a good father and give Aaron the kind of tough love he needs, Darryl was also sensitive to the Spirit, and he heard what he needed to hear and said what he needed to say. Tell me, how can you not be madly in love with a man who loves your children?

Darryl mentioned something that has troubled both of us for a while. Here we are, two talented people (I am a one-trick pony, but he's got so many things he can do and do better than many others), and both of us want to work. We want to support our family. We don't want to be given a handout. Yet here we are, unable to get work, unable to wear ourselves out in the effort to bring our family the monetary blessings we all need. So what else can we do? We have the ability, we have the willingness. Please let us have the opportunity and, more importantly, let us recognize and gratefully grab hold!

Today, Saturday, Aaron is temporarily in our basement (again, poor kid), Darryl and Scott limped over to band practice to give Darryl a little bit of “time off.” Kristina is trying to find someone who can come over. I’m all caught up with my work, my Sunday School lesson is prepared (but will we have a way to church?) I’m glad to have an opportunity to write and to think. I have beautiful music playing and a heater keeping me warm. Aaron and Kristi are entertaining themselves.

As I mentioned, I just spent half an hour or so putting together the finishing touches to my Sunday School lesson. Does the Lord love us or what? Tomorrow’s lesson is about Nephi, a young man who suffered through all kinds of affliction with and sometimes at the hands of his family, but he never stopped believing in his father or, more importantly, in the Lord, who he knew would give him what he needed to do all things the Lord required of him.

I can do this. We can do this. If nothing else, it is making us stronger people and maybe giving someone else the opportunity to take stock of his/her own life and say, “Wow! At least I’m not as bad off as the Barksdales! Their life seems much more difficult than mine!” You’re welcome :D