There is Beauty All Around

One thing we hear so often from the generations who are coming of age after us is how bad things used to be and how much better they are now and will be in the future. They are absolutely right! But not completely.

I believe every generation feels this way about those who came before. That’s how we progress as a species. That is why we no longer live in caves and drink from dirty streams. That’s why we have electricity, running water, and, blessedly, AIR CONDITIONING!

Having dabbled in genealogy over the past few decades, I have come across ancestors whose actions don’t exactly fill me with pride. I mean, there are definitely some slave owners and murderers (hey, some died in the Tower of London!) I wonder, just what will my great-great-great grandchildren think about me and how I lived my life? What values and beliefs do I have that they will consider selfish or small minded or even wrong? 

Here’s the real question:  Will they simply dismiss me and want to destroy all evidence I ever existed on this earth because something I believe now is considered bad in their time? I sure hope not. I mean, I hope I really am a good person and not simply because I try to be an honorable woman according to the dictates of my conscience and the social mores of our time. Even more important:  I am NOT the person I was 40 years ago. Thank goodness. That girl was so immature and self-centered and oblivious to what was going on around me in this world.

I feel very strongly that everything that came before us is important to remember. First, we don’t want to forget the things that we now consider wrong because how will OUR descendants remember that those things were bad? We don’t want to consign our ancestors to heck because of their missteps and even wrongdoing. Thankfully, that’s not our role. They all make up who we are as humans.

I just watched a fun video of a starlet from many years ago dancing. It was such fun to watch. The people were beautiful. The costumes were lovely. The dancing was fabulous. And I had a thought:  Right then in the world that was swirling around these dancers in that day there was a lot of social injustice. There were people who suffered from discrimination, hate, deprivation, and several other bad things. But these people had something beautiful to share with the world. I am so grateful that so many things have changed, but I can’t help but long for some of the things from those “good old days.” Imagine how it would be if we were to remove all the evil and hate and terrible things from the world and fill it with every good thing from every generation that ever lived on the earth. I feel a simple peace in my heart and even joy when I imagine that.

Please keep pushing for reform and growth in our society. It is painful, but we need that. We always will, if there are humans on this earth. But slow down. Recognize the worth of every soul, past, present, and future. Open yourself to being willing to see the spark in most people. Start by seeing it in yourself. It’s there. I promise. 

The other day I was struck by the thought that I TRULY need to love those who hate me and despitefully use me. They won’t care, nor will they likely know, but relieving myself of the anger allows more room for filling myself with the spark that I will then be more able to see in those around me. Concentrating on REALLY loving those folks at least helps me to appreciate the good things they contain within them.

It’s a good day. Go out and make it a better day for someone else.

The Case for Civility

 
(This was the topic I chose for my persuasive essay for my college course.)

Protocol can be very formal in court proceedings. When the judge enters the courtroom, everyone stands, even the court reporter. All of the participants speak deferentially to the judge, being very careful to say “yes, Your Honor,” or “no, Your Honor.” Civility reigns supreme in most court proceedings. If things get out of hand, the judge quickly takes control and has security personnel who immediately respond to threatening situations. Court personnel treat even the defendants in criminal matters with respect. While it may just be another workday for the employee, it is probably one of the worst days of the defendant’s life.  If only there was such respect and civility in everyday life. In the “real” world today, even authority is disrespected – and sometimes even authority is disrespectful, which raises several questions:  What kind of legacy does this behavior leave for the children? How will they truly learn that bullying is not acceptable? When did humans discard the practice of showing common decency to one another? Is this the type of society that produces good people? Have people distanced themselves so much from personal interaction through the use of social media that being unkind and disrespectful doesn’t bother them as much? Civility in interactions must be restored, or things will continue to spiral downward. Imagine a world where civility was still king.           

Looking back in history, there is evidence that people were usually respectful, if not kind, to one another. “Yes, sir,” was common to hear. Neighbors usually looked out for one another and cared. People respected the President of the United States, regardless of his politics, and disagreements were shared almost politely. This is a dreaded presidential election year, with ever-increasing bitter exchanges between and about the candidates. Politicians have become so used to smear tactics that they believe there is no other way to run a campaign. Rather than making a good argument for incivility, however, the mere fact that these are accepted ways of campaigning highlights the actual problem. Former Ohio Supreme Court Justice Yvette McGee Brown states, “Our children are watching, and I think when we as parents or grandparents or just people who care about children, when you think about what they're seeing and the message that they're getting, we should all be a little embarrassed.”¹ If children are raised seeing that any kind of blistering rhetoric is acceptable, no matter how much it hurts the recipient, is it any wonder that bullying is so rampant in schools?

Life is hard for every person. There is a video circulating in social media about a man who is given special glasses. When he wears the glasses, he can see labels on people that show him their current struggles. He suddenly understands he is not alone in his struggles. Everyone he sees is bearing heavy burdens, much like his own, with everyone mostly suffering in silence. Joe King, a columnist for the Alameda Journal, writes, “Finally, let’s be kind; many folks out there are fighting a tough battle.”² In the courtroom setting, a defendant’s crimes are laid bare, but he still holds his emotions inside because he feels shame. In a recent court hearing, a defendant stated on the record: “I'm nervous as well as embarrassed of the things that I've done, and I feel very horrible, so I'm just trying to come to terms on that with myself. And I feel very, very bad.”³ There is simply no reason to add to the defendant’s burden by being rude.

If a time traveler suddenly came to the year 2016 from 1935, would the traveler feel horror at seeing how society has devolved? Would it be possible to reconcile the behavior of the current presidential candidates with the traveler’s memory of how they would behave in 1935? He might ask, is this a parallel universe or just a horrible dream? Elwood D. Watson writes, “The fact is that all of us are human and will manage to make mistakes in our lives along the way. Imperfections aside, it is important that all of us, especially adults . . . make an effort to do our part to contribute to the making of a society that is as civil as possible. After all, the children and the young people in general are watching us.”⁴ Perhaps, too, there are time travelers watching. Bear in mind, though, that 1935 was a time where sexism and racism were rampant in society, so perhaps the time traveler would be more bemused by the things today which are done with more kindness and respect.

The explosion of the internet and social media has both enhanced and damaged interpersonal communication. It is possible to meet and become great friends without ever seeing one another in person. On the other hand, this sort of more-than-arms-length interaction lends a certain anonymity that can cause people to ignore civility. Many find it easy to write blistering comments as if those on the other side of the screen were not real persons. As society becomes more technologically advanced, it loses something precious. It is important to find a way to communicate with this amazing technology while not losing the bits of refinement that set us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. Communicating is good, whether it be slow or fast, near or far, or with friends or strangers; however, everyone loses when kindness and civility do not have a place in this communication.

It is worrisome to see society continue to remove itself from the civility of the past. History has shown that once something is lost, it is rarely possible to bring it back. For civilization to succeed, civility needs to be restored. It is easy to make things worse through thoughtless behavior, but it is also easy to be kind, a habit which seems to be lost. How can society eradicate bullying and a number of social ills? Turn off the television rather than watch another hateful political ad. Thank a child’s teacher for working so hard with students. Hold the door for someone whose hands are full. Smile at someone who appears weary. Offer a kind word. If society is to be rescued, it is up to everyone to take on this challenge and make it so.

¹Former Ohio Supreme Court Justice Yvette McGee Brown – Town Meeting on Civility in Politics at the Ohio Statehouse – March 18, 2016

²Joe King, columnist, Alameda Journal – Alameda, California – March 16, 2016

³Defendant in District Court – Twin Falls County, Idaho – June 24, 2016

⁴Elwood D. Watson – “As a Society, We Need to Remind Ourselves of the Importance of Civility” – Huffpost Impact “The Blog” – October 29, 2014